SpawnPoint

Well since its 3am I guess I'll post this in the "Insomnia" category...

I've noticed recently that life hits me randomly throughout the day. About 5 minutes ago I realized that in 8 days I will be starting my senior year in high school. It's going to be hectic to say the least; my schedule if I can remember correctly consists of at least 8 English classes and 3 music classes. I'm in one AP English class and the rest of them are honors level...Am I insane?!?! Jeez, that and I'll be trying out for my high schools fall musical, and then later our drama festival, which will put a ridiculous strain on my life and school work and everything else. That and the three choirs I'm in on weekends...*sigh*

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited...and I adore everything I do, it just hit me how close I am to actually starting my life. This is my last year in high school...I'm going to college, my god COLLEGE! It feels like I was a freshman just yesterday...starting in a new school and having to make all new friends...and now I'm going to be an adult?! It's overwhelming...I've picked my top schools I want to apply for already...I'm already planning my major...I know what I want to do with my life! When did this happen?? When did I start actually planning my life...on my own? I'm turning 18 in November...I'll be moving out soon...what happened to middle school when I had one teacher all day? And where the hell did recess go, can I get that back? Some days I can totally see it, me rushing to lectures, taking exams, going to actual parties :P. Being interviewed by schools for student teaching, getting my degree and finally finding a job as a high school English teacher. Starting a family...having an actual life. And then other days I can't see past what I am today...a 17 year old girl unsure of where life is taking her, where she is taking herself...scared of what’s ahead and yet willing to stand up and look the future in the face and show everyone how strong I really am.

Part of me is ecstatic, I am so ready to actually control my own life...and then the other part of me is asking "am I really ready for this? Can I handle this at all?"


Damn me and my life shattering realizations at inappropriate times in the day!

...hmm, perhaps sleep will ease my troubled mind... *sigh*